Tuesday, March 6, 2012

My Not-So-Secret Dream


For those of you who don't know, it is my ultimate goal to have the flexibility to work from home. Before moving to Boston my plan was to get The Morose Bee to a place where I was able to make enough income to only need to look for a part time job when Ari and I finally moved. If you know anything at all about me, you would know that goal was never achieved and I am rushing off to work ALL OF THE TIME. 

I have this fantasy of waking up without an early morning alarm blaring in my ear, putting on a pot of coffee, spending a few hours doing some computer work, then plopping down on my living room floor to work on art and jewelry items, and later doing a bit of housework and making dinner. Yes, THAT relatively boring day is my ultimate life fantasy. Of course the kicker is, such a day would also have to provide an adequate income.

The basic issue is simple:
I can’t afford to take time off work right now to focus on something that does not provide reliable initial income

Therefore:
My business isn’t growing because I’m not spending any time on it

Which then obviously leads back to the beginning again. Sometimes I want to tell myself that if I don't put full time effort in, I won't get full time profits out. But seriously, who is gonna pay my damn rent in the meantime? I feel like it never ends!

So when I found THIS I was soooo jealous. A great day for me is a day when I do not have to leave the house. That means that I was able to stay home, spend time with Ari, catch up on several e-mails, a few chores, make a few jewelry items, and just GET SHIT DONE.

You may be saying "But Emily, your out of house work is artistic! Your job involves bringing creativity to other peoples lives! Isn't that what you want?" Well yes, but as anyone who has ever worked in any kind of service position will tell you, sometimes people just suck. Plus most people come to my work to kill time with their kids or to socialize. They don't actually care about art. It's is unbelievably frustrating. If the people that I dealt with were there for positive reasons to actually enrich their lives, I would be thrilled. I would never leave work out of choice! Currently, I never leave work because of the ridiculous stuff I end up doing for people who are just treating me like crap anyway. I realize that sounded really negative especially for someone who generally does like their job, but somedays I can't help but feel that way. 

It should also be noted that I have no desire to actually quit my job. I do thrive on the pressure and the chaos of it all, but I have always been a person who needs frequent recharge time and a bit of solitude. In high school I spent my summers pretty much totally alone for weeks at a time at my dad's house and I loved it. I would return to my mom's feeling so refreshed and cleansed and just generally excited to the next school year's butt. As a working adult I realize recharge time is a huge luxury that most people don't have, but occasional solitude is an absolute must for my personal sanity. It's just something I've always needed. I don't mind working like crazy for hours on end, but sometimes it has to be with no one else around. I have no other explanation other than I NEED IT. 

The most frustrating thing about all of this is knowing that my goal is realistically attainable, but not really know where to go next.

Any ideas?

2 comments:

  1. Wow Emily, I am going through the EXACT same thing right now!
    In the last few weeks I finally got a full time job, with the intention of being able to afford my own place so I can spread out my work and grow my business. But now when I finally come home from work all I want to do is lay on the couch and hang out with my daughter, and my business is not growing! It is all I can do to keep it at the level it is at. Like you say, I feel like if I worked on it full time I would be able to eventually get it to where I want it, but that involved a huge monetary commitment, as well as a huge time commitment!
    I see bloggers and small business owners everyday who somehow manage to reach this point, so I know it is possible! I know there is a way but I just don't know how!!!
    Sorry that's not much help but I can totally relate :)

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  2. So good to hear another voice on this Liz! Thanks!

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